For Parents of autistic kids
Unfortunately, parents in the US especially are led to fear autism, as though it were a disease that has “taken” your child rather than the neurotype that it really is, and so are coerced into forcing their children through a lot of expensive and exhausting behavioral therapies (Applied Behavioral Analysis or ABA and its retooled successor: Positive Behavior Support, aka PBS) designed to make them mask and pass as more neurotypical. (To conform with an artificial “norm”.)
THIS IS OUTRIGHT HARMFUL TO AUTISTIC KIDS as you’ll learn from the links below. One center in Massachusetts actually uses cattle prods on the children there, still, in 2024! Yes, you may achieve YOUR goal, of a quiet child who masks and passes successfully for YOUR comfort, but at great harm to them. However, they may be too terrified to tell you this, and not recognize their trauma fully until decades later. Even just overly strict authoritarian parenting without additional therapy can lend to Complex PTSD (aka CPTSD) later on – I speak from experience. It can also leave them vulnerable to predators and manipulative people as they have been trained to reflexively fawn and people-please as a result of losing their autonomy.
Obviously, our kids need support and some training around staying safe (occupational therapy, physical therapy e.g.), and communicating well (speech and language therapy, e.g.), but shutting down all stims and communication is actually traumatizing. Stims are needed for self-regulation. And there are less harmful ways to help autistic children and adults to get along in the world. I’ve included a section For Parents beneath this one to that end. Last updated November 26, 2024
About ABA and PBS:
- ABA – Unstrange Mind
- Long-term ABA Therapy Is Abusive: A Response to Gorycki, Ruppel, and Zane 2021 Shkedy, Sandoval-Norton
- Treating Autism As a Problem: The Connection Between Gay Conversion Therapy And ABA – 2018
- Pervasive Undisclosed Conflicts of Interest in Applied Behavior Analysis Autism Literature 2021 Bottema-Beutel, Crowley in Frontiers in Psychology
- Stop ABA, Support Autistics – The Great Big ABA Opposition Resource List 2021
- Stop the shock, Petition to Close the Judge Rotenberg Center: Zapping is Torture! 2022
- Evidence of increased PTSD symptoms in autistics exposed to applied behavioral analysis 2018 Kupferstein, Henny
- Non-Speaking Autists Thoughts on ABA – Tania Melnyczuk 2019
- ABA is Abusive – evidence and testimonies via Neurodiversenby 2021
- Only an Ancient Science Can Save Your Child – Neuroclastic
- New report finds widespread abuse of autistic people – 2022 University of Sunderland, UK
- How therapy can traumatise autistic people (w/ Steph Jones) – 2024 Video interview by YoSamdySam
For Parents especially recommended by autistics:
- Safe places online for Parents of Autistic children and Autistic people to learn about Autism – Kieran Rose
- Autism In Black – support for parents of Black autistic families
- In Tune Pathways by Kristy Forbes of Australia
- NeuroBears is for autistic young people, and their families, who want to learn what it means to be Autistic in a really positive way.
- Free Printable Autism-Positive Book List by Not An Autism Mom
- Free Autism-Positive Book List by Kieran Rose at The Autistic Advocate (eBook available for $5)
- Recommended books about Autism, PDA, Neurodiversity etc. – 2023 by Autistic Truth
- Books by Dr. Mona Delahooke on reading body based signals in kids, vs top down behaviorism
- AAC is Everything, Everything is AAC — Why Guided Access & Other Methods of Locking Tablets Remove Autonomy AAC in the Cloud – 2021 Tuttleturtle42
- Don’t Mourn for Us – Jim Sinclair in Our Voice November 1993
- How to not be an ableist parent, plus hundreds of tips for IEPs and 504 plans
- Lives in The Balance (a recommended site for parents of non-speaking kids who may act out)
- Autistic Allies
- Punished by Rewards? A Conversation with Alfie Kohn 1995
- Responsive Parenting Inspirations
- Kind and Firm at the Same Damn Time – parenting courses by SuperNova Momma
- 10 Alternatives to “Consequences” When Your Child Isn’t Cooperating – Aha Parenting
- Defense Mode: Why they seem so stuck and shut down all the time via Asperger Experts
- Thread of additional autistic recommended resources for parents of newly recognized neurodivergent kids by Shannon Des Roches Rosa 2022
- How listening to autistic adults helped me understand and support my son – Shannon Des Roches Rosa vai WaPo 2019
- A Black Autistic Mother Speaks Candidly About Racism, Intersectionality, and Her Fears and Hopes Around Raising Two Black Autistic Sons 2020 The Articulate Autistic
- A Checklist for Identifying Sources of Aggression – via We Are Like Your Child
- When a Non-Autistic Child Is Raised by Autistic Parents, Their Experiences Are Similar to Autistics Raised by Non-Autistics – Terra Vance via Neuroclastic 2022
- My Kid Had a Meltdown Tonight V.R. Blevins 2022
- Hey Parents of Autistic Kids: Here are Five Easily Avoidable Mistakes via TPGA 2010
- Speaking of Autism – “How do I get an Autistic Person to X?” – you’re asking the wrong question – Quincy 2019
- Talking to Kids about Healthy Sexuality – via Happily Family blog 2023
- If not ABA, Then What? – Sparrow Jones author of excellent blog Unstrange Mind
- Eleven Ways You Can Make Your Autistic Child’s Life Easier – TPGA
- How do you talk to a non-verbal person with Autism? by Ido Kedar (Ido in Autismland)
- Thread on why it’s bad for parents of high support needs autists to suggest Aspergers is not a form of autism by @EbThen 2021
- Optimising Autism Part I – Tania Melnyczuk (should lead and link to Part II in YouTube)
- the case for backing the frick off 2013 Beth Ryan
- Gecko Community UK -support for students 11-20 struggling with mainstream education
- Being Someone To Trust – course by Jodie Smitten for relatives and carers of autistics
- The Ableist History of Autism Speaks – 2019 Crosman via In The Loop
- Neurodivergent-affirming SLT (Speech and Language Therapy)
- Books by Autistics for All via Autonomous Press
- Samantha Craft’s Autistic Traits Checklist 2022
- BOOK: The Secret Life of Rose -Inside an autistic head – Rose Smitten 2022
- EDS and School Resources (and a little autism too) – Jan 2024